‘Star Wars: The Clone Wars' Film Review

Article originally published 08/15/2008 at popculturezoo.com

Like many middle-aged geeks, I have endured a love/hate relationship with Star Wars. I have existed on this planet for the same number of years as George Lucas’ space opera and no cinematic endeavors have had more affect, polarizing thought it may be, on my life. The original Star Wars trilogy has shaped both my love of movies and my outlook on life. Heck, I always saw myself as more of a wookiee than a klingon… felt more akin to Lando than Kirk. It is with that in mind that I found myself in an entirely foreign and uncomfortable place when I learned of Lucasfilm’s upcoming animated series The Clone Wars. I was apathetic. Not angry, though the bitter taste of a Gungan-filled world was still with me. Not excited, though my heart still flutters when I see a lightsaber ignite onscreen. No… I just didn’t care. Star Wars had reached a plateau in my geek-consciousness and was clearly on the downhill slope to irrelevance.

I corrected myself quickly. I was wrong. This was freaking STAR WARS and The Clone Wars held the promise of a glimpse into a chapter that fans had long wanted to see onscreen. Ever since Obi-Wan first spoke of the existence of this mythical skirmish to Luke as he lamented the demise of Anakin, the Clone Wars became a fixture in the Star Wars lexicon. Always hinted at but never fully realized, fleeting glimpses of the Clone Wars were rolled out during the prequel trilogy and most recently in Genndy Tartakovsky’s brilliant animated shorts in 2003. But we’ve never seen the actual Clone WARS. You know, the battles where legions of disposable clone troopers waged war against an untiring droid army. This was the piece that was missing, what Star Wars needed to return itself to its rightful place as the lord and master of all sci-fi franchises.

Sadly, this is where The Clone Wars failed.

This film (or rather, the first three episodes of The Clone Wars television series) is no less than the muddled, obnoxious and boring tale that angered fans in the prequels. The film’s primary characters have not been given any additional depth (I’m looking at you, Anakin) and are therefore just as cringe-inducing as they were in Episodes 1-3. To make matters worse, we are introduced to a new character who just might surpass Jar-Jar Binks as the most hated creation in the Lucas-verse. In the first few minutes of the film, we are given Ashoka Tano, a teenage Togruta girl who gets assigned by Yoda as Anakin’s padawan learner. But Anakin is a loner, see? He don’t need no padawan learner… and girls just get in the way. Tano counters Anakin’s begrudging and cocky behavior with spunky wide-eyed optimism and an endless string of arguments, whining and more arguments. The chemistry between these two ‘Jedis’ was enough to make me seek out a bantha for more pleasurable company.

There are other tedious and aggravating elements to The Clone Wars that I won’t go into. The southern-fried Uncle The Hutt who mysteriously speaks English. The Hutt baby… just because we needed a damn baby in the movie. The egregious misuse of both Christopher Lee and Sam Jackson. These are all merely elements of a larger missed picture. One that I should have known was coming but was too blinded by the novelty of ‘new’ Star Wars content to see the truth.

That said, I will freely admit to enjoying every moment involving the clone trooper army. This makes The Clone Wars all the more maddening because when the actual clone army was onscreen, I was captured. This film is a missed opportunity. What should have been 90 minutes of war footage capturing the essence of a hopeless struggle between clones and droids was instead reverted into yet more bitching by aliens. Every time Captain Rex was involved in a scene, I found myself nodding and smiling with geeky glee. Rex’s custom armor, dual pistols, blond hairdo and grizzled manner of speaking (calling the droids “clankers”… brilliant) immersed me into the character. And that’s what the film is supposed to be about, right? Learning what made these clone troopers tick, what caused a being who was a carbon-copy of his fellow soldiers to develop his own personality. I wanted more drop zones, more close-combat between troopers and droids… this was supposed to be a WAR movie!

Ultimately, The Clone Wars will draw in a new generation of fans… and I suppose that is a good thing. My daughter, who is 9, walked out of the film imitating Ashoka Tano and claiming I need to buy her a clone trooper helmet. So, I guess in the end, Lucas wins out. He can keep peddling his broken concepts of what the Star Wars universe should be to a new and unsuspecting generation, right along with a new line of toys. I’m glad that Star Wars will always be around, I just don’t think that my daughter’s generation will feel the same connection with the stories that so vividly captured me… the wonder at those events that happened long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

I don’t know… maybe I am more like Kirk.